Love and Relationship Astrology
Part I, Synastry
Hi I’m Alice, I’m a professional astrologer offering love and relationship consultations, bought to your courtesy of my lot of spirit in Libra ruled by Venus the Goddess of love in my tenth house of career.
Social media abounds with stories of a loneliness epidemic, people giving up on dating apps, getting an AI chatbot partner, INCELS, radical feminists and what have you. Even without delving into these extremes, finding a suitable partner can be a frustrating experience, with people experiencing periods of relationship drought and long lonely stretches of singledom lacking the physical and emotional intimacy that they crave.
Trite advice to use this time to work on yourself to create a vibrant life full with deep platonic friendships, a rewarding career, stimulating hobbies, spirituality and a healthy lifestyle, in which a partner is an extra sprinkling on top of the cake, can be helpful to some extent.
Unfortunately this advice ignores the fact that a lot of relationship success is down to luck, pure and simple (or fate, to the cosmically inclined). We all know wonderful people who are kind, self aware, committed to personal growth and possessing many amazing qualities, who already (more or less) have the rich and happy life mentioned above. They desire a relationship, yet they’re still single.
It would be remiss to suggest that this is because there is something wrong with them or their approach. One may accuse them of being too picky, then remember how it is advised to have strong boundaries, know how to identify red flags and relationship non negotiables and be strong enough to walk away at the first sign of disrespect or serious incompatibility, in order to avoid later more serious heartbreak, abuse or unhealthy relationship dynamics. This is very sound advice. Of course I’m also not referring to cases where people have narcissistic traits and cannot self reflect to understand what they do to push away romantic prospects and sabotage previous relationships. Most of the people interested in astrology and reading this article already self reflect a great deal.
What I’m trying to get at is that many people who are in happy long term relationships didn’t necessarily need to develop iron clad boundaries and X-ray level people reading skills and discernment as though their life depended on it. They simply happened to meet the right person at the right time, somebody compatible with great emotional, physical and intellectual chemistry, with whom having a happy relationship didn’t feel like pushing a boulder uphill. It also goes without saying that one doesn’t need to fully love oneself, or to have a perfect outer life and inner emotional landscape to be worthy of a loving relationship. We grow and heal through the support and challenges of a loving romantic relationship with another imperfect human. *
So in that spirit, embracing relationship astrology means relaxing into the knowledge that finding a partner doesn’t have to be a struggle with a list of boxes that need to be checked off beforehand such as having a dream job, a tight knit circle of lifetime friends, a degree in shadow work and a dewy complexion. It’s all about good timing and synastry instead.
Astrology can explain why sometimes things can flow almost effortlessly. Sexual and physical attraction is based on the synastry aspects Pluto-Venus, Mars-Pluto and Venus-Mars rather than objective physical appearance. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder has Venus in aspect to the other’s Pluto. Conversely, almost everyone has encountered good looking people who they feel no physical chemistry towards whatsoever.
In terms of an emotional connection, the aspects to look out for are Sun-Moon aspects, the gold standard for close friendship or for falling in love with someone who feels like your best friend. There is a comfortable and timeless understanding and sense of connection and instant recognition between two people with this aspect. The Sun represents our soul and the Moon our emotions and that which gives us comfort and safety. The Moon person soothes and nurtures the Sun person’s soul and the Moon person has their emotions held and seen in a safe and constant way that lights them up and uplifts them. The most potent for relationships is the conjunction, followed by the opposition, followed by the trine, then sextile, and it’s important to use a very narrow orb, I use only two degrees either side. I also look at minor aspects, the quincunx, semisextile, quintile and biquintile, with an orb of one degree either side (henceforth referred to as a one degree orb).
In my love and relationship consultations I also look at a some other points derived from the Sun and Moon, conjunctions to which from the Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter or angles (AC, IC, DC, MC) in the partners chart will have a similar energy to the Sun Moon synastry aspect described above.
The Sun-Moon midpoint is used in Uranian astrology, a system devised by Alfred Witte and adopted and adapted by Reinhold Ebertin. A partner’s Sun, Moon, Venus or Jupiter here can be a strong indicator of a significant relationship. I also look at the lot of fortune and the lot of spirit, points derived from the distance between the natal Sun and the Moon projected from or subtracted from the ascendant. Used by ancient Hellenistic astrologers such as Vettius Valens, the lot of fortune signifies fated occurrences concerning physical circumstances and the body, themes which are also represented by the Moon in a birth chart, hence it’s alternative name as the lot of the Moon, whereas the lot of spirit signifies the daimon, the guardian or spirit guide that helps guide someone to fulfil their soul’s higher purpose and destiny, themes also represented by the Sun in a birth chart, hence the lot of sprit’s alternative name as the lot of the Sun.
When looking at synastry, close one degree orb conjunctions or oppositions between one person’s lot of fortune or spirit with another person’s lot of fortune or spirit, angles (AC, IC, DC, MC) or Sun or Moon can be extremely potent.
The lot of fortune also acts as second ascendant, which ancient astrologers derived a secondary chart from, the fortune chart, to glean extra information on a person’s life and fate. So when looking at relationship astrology, I like to examine the fortune descendant, the point exactly opposite the lot of fortune in the seventh house from fortune. It’s like a second descendant and can be another indicator of the type of partner that would be ideal for someone, after their descendant, and the domicile ruler of their descendant sign, which are the other crucial points that I always consider in relationship readings.
In synastry and natal astrology, the descendant and seventh house signifies one’s close one on one relationships, including best friends, spouse and even business partners. This explains why the opposition is especially potent when considering relationship synastry, because the aspecting planet is then seventh from the planet being aspected.
This is particularly relevant for planets on the descendant, that’s seventh from the ascendant, on the fortune descendant (opposite the lot of fortune), or opposite the moon, as Vedic astrologers also consider the chandra lagna; a chart using the moon as the ascendant, to inform on emotional needs and tendencies, hence I have noticed that people often have an affinity with other people with planets in the sign opposite their moon sign, personally as a Cancer moon I like Capricorn placements and find them cosy, hilarious and deep and I don’t mind their grouchiness or focus on work, rules and tradition, I find it endearing. I’m also a big fan of Taurus as it’s in the seventh house from my ascendant, I find Taurus placements very soothing, comforting, grounding, genuine and pleasant to be around.
The other points that I look at are the domicile and exaltation rulers of the seventh house from the ascendant, and the Mars house and sign placement for those looking for masculine partners, or the Venus house and sign for those seeking feminine partners. Not all signs have an exaltation ruler, but if they do it can provide some important information. Having a partner’s Sun, Moon, angles, lot of fortune or spirit, Venus or Jupiter aspect any of these points can be significant, and positive transits or progressions to these points can signify the start of a relationship or a significant development within the relationship, such as marriage.
For timing, I also look at some more specialised lots that pertain to specific topics within relationships, such as the lot of marriage, to represent legal marriage, the lot of Venus, the lot of Jupiter, and the lot of love and friendship.
Returning to synastry aspects, in addition to aspects between the Sun and the Moon to each other or to lots or angles, Moon-Venus, Moon-Jupiter, Sun-Jupiter, and Jupiter-Venus are all highly positive synastry aspects, Venus for creating affection, sweetness, softness, harmony, togetherness, nourishment, healing, aesthetic attraction, a sense of finding the partner absolutely cute and adorable, and a forgiving attitude in a relationship. Jupiter for creating fun, laughs, adventure, philosophical conversations, a spiritual connection and a learning or growth oriented relationship. Venus or Jupiter conjunct the lots or angles (especially the descendant or fortune descendant) is particularly powerful, or Venus or Jupiter conjunct the luminaries (the Sun or Moon).
Saturn aspects are said to provide the glue that holds relationships together over time and to bind people together karmically, but they can be painful, or alternatively, rewarding, safe, real and anchoring, with a sense of magic and an incomparable depth, it depends on the emotional maturity of the individuals involved and their capacity to contribute work, strong boundaries and commitment to a relationship.
In terms of synastry, it’s also worth considering antiscia, which are an often overlooked and lesser known form of aspect that are nonetheless quite significant. In my own chart I have an almost exact antiscia between my Sun/ascendant ruler conjunction and my Moon, the ruler of my ninth house, and I’m an astrologer, since astrology pertains to the ninth house, and the sun rules my career in my Scorpio rising chart.
*Vedic astrologers even consider marriage as a temple necessary for optimal soul growth and they have a special divisional chart, the Navamsa, based on the 9th house of dharma, expansion and spirituality that is activated once married and is the most important divisional charts of all sixteen.